Our cells are constantly regenerating within our body. Therefore, our body seemingly stays the same yet is changing every moment.
Why do we have such regeneration in our physical bodies yet we can hold onto emotional baggage for a lifetime?
A big part of my personal development journey comes from digging deep and unraveling the deeply held emotions and the “parts of me” that I need to let go of. This process can often be confronting and I often face great fears and see shadow parts of myself during the process.
The most pivotal life event that challenged my perception of letting go was the loss of our little baby boy. Being an extremely optimistic person, even the concept that something negative had happened to me was really hard to grasp. Grief is the deepest, strongest and most dense emotion that I have felt in life so far. Many elements of my shadow side came beaming out. I knew this would be one of my most challenging battles in life.
For a long time I decided to hold onto grief, I needed it, I was living off it, it was keeping me going. I then knew I had to make the choice, either to stay in these deep emotions of grief or to set myself free. I had heard the quote “to put yourself in prison, when you don’t have any bars in front of you”, this was me at that time. I knew I had to choose freedom and it was only my choice to do that, no one else’s. I knew if I was to go back into my busy life that these deep emotions would just get pushed down further and further and one day it would explode like fireworks. I made the choice to take time off work to sit with and unravel some deep emotions. Now, as a busy health professional and owner of an extremely busy clinic, this wasn’t a choice that was easy to make. More emotions came flooding in; the guilt of feeling like I was letting my patients down and letting my work team down was enormous. I chose to do it, face my greatest fears and emotions head on. Everyday I would sit and meditate, do yoga and run or walk. Certain days I would pick one of my closest friends to share my walk with, to connect with the people I loved. I knew that the density of these emotions needed movement, physical movement, to allow them to start flowing. I did these rituals everyday just to get by.
After many months I felt less density physically within my body, however letting go was the next step. I not only had to let go physically of a little baby that I had held in my arms, now I had to start letting go of the deep seeded emotions. This is where the struggle began; I didn’t want to let go. I think that is because I didn’t quite understand the concept of letting go. I thought that letting go meant that I believed that what had happened was ok. No, not at all, letting go or forgiveness does not mean that the event that happened is ok, it means that it is sometimes absolutely not ok, however, it is ACCEPTANCE that the event did happen and allowing yourself the freedom to release the deep emotions attached to it and to continue on with life. This was like giving myself a “get out of jail for free pass”, freedom from the emotions and the mindset that was holding my life back.
What a beautiful gift it was to open those resistant doors and create light where there were areas of darkness.
Through intense learning, I realised that our mindsets can regenerate just like the cells in our body through unraveling deep emotions and LETTING GO.
If you could pick one word to describe your 2017, what would it be and why?
Mine would be COURAGE.
2017 was my year of extreme challenges. Challenges that took me to intense discomfort. I battled for most of the year to figure out how to overcome my challenges and then realised that I had to choose ACCEPTANCE.
Acceptance for what is right now – good, bad, comfort, discomfort, bliss and pain. LIVING IN THE MOMENT became my motto. It was only through living in discomforts that I discovered COURAGE.
Dr. Thanuja Vanderhoek